21 Reasons Why Twitter Is Not Good

I’ve been watching, bewildered, for a while now as Twitter continues to grow in popularity as a social media platform. I signed up a few months ago, even bothering to add the Tweet box to the side of this blog, but watching the way it was used, I decided straight away that I didn’t want to be part of the community until I at least knew some Twitter users in “real life”. As it happens, I have still yet to meet a single person outside the SEM circle who even knew what it was, let alone used it regularly.

However, amongst the SEM regulars, it seems to have become huge. And still, it sucks due to the sheer inanity of 99.99999999999999% of updates posted. I just don’t understand where you people are finding the time. Even after reading articles explaining the virtues of Twitter and about how it can be modified to “spice it up“, I’m still convinced it’s really only good for a) low-grade advertising and b) talking shite.

Speaking with various experts, I realised perhaps I’m not the only one thinking this way. Here are the top 21 reasons why we think Twitter Is Bullshit.

  1. I honestly couldn’t care less what you had for your tea or how that sensitive medical problem is going. Neither do most of your followers, really.
  2. The most followed ‘tweeters’ already have well-established blogs they post daily. However, not content with expressing a daily opinion on these blogs; we’ve got to follow the minute-by-minute. They are that important and interesting.
  3. Some ‘tweeters’ are ‘tweeting’ every day, hoping to ‘get in’ to the z-list Celeb list, then passive-aggressively whining about it when it doesn’t happen.
  4. “We feel that Twitter keeps us on the ‘cutting edge of the web marketing sphere – shit, where’ve the past 2 hours gone….”
  5. Asking to ‘follow’ someone is like a request to stalk them, especially if you’ve never met them.
  6. It is instant messaging for voyeurs and exhibitionists.
  7. Spending over $200 on texting ‘tweets’ does not make you cool.
  8. Just because you’ve got 30 ‘followers’ doesn’t mean you’ve got 30 friends.
  9. When I do exactly the same thing on Facebook, my real friends get to read it.
  10. Even though you’ve got nothing to say, 140 characters ( Now 280) never seem enough to say it.
  11. Just because you feel you’re hanging out with A-list bloggers doesn’t mean they’re aware you exist. Chances are they can’t even read your replies.
  12. Even if they can read your replies, it doesn’t mean they will.
  13. And for that matter, why do you care so much about what is going on in their minute-to-minute life?
  14. In real life, it’s usually considered impolite to start banging on to relative strangers about how your day was before they’ve even asked. Why is this so different on the internet?
  15. The size of your penis is inversely proportional to the number of people you follow. Jason Calacanis follows over 22,500 people. I follow none.
  16. Most of your followers are fickle sycophants basking in your reflected internet glory. You might feel the love right now, but you know; eventually, someone better will come along. Then you’ll be left ‘tweeting’ into the ether.
  17. Just ‘cos you work on the internet, and Twitter happens to be on the internet, does not mean Twitter is working.
  18. It’s a DOS version of the Matrix.
  19. Using Twitter effectively can be a quick route to becoming an ‘Internet Rockstar’. Being an ‘Internet Rockstar’ is like being a regular rockstar minus a few important aspects, namely a) the talent, b) the money, and c) the sex.
  20. If people spoke in real life the way they write their ‘tweets’, the world would be bland and inoffensive.
  21. No matter how much you love it right now, face it, you’ll have forgotten all about Twitter just as soon as something better comes along. Following current trends, I can only assume that this will be some sort of wireless application to stream your innermost thoughts directly from your brain space. Come on, admit it, you’d love that, wouldn’t you?

Few Comments

  • I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that Twitter is nothing short of a major distraction. I put Twitter on my site in January and pulled it a week later. I never updated it and began to think, “do I really want to share my personal stuff with people? Would they care?” Twitter = The Emperor Has No Clothes All puff, no substance!
  • I don’t know about most people, but I’m not on it to be some kind of z-list celebrity. I would say 20% of the people I follow are people I know from other blogs. Another 70% of the things I follow are news services, the local airport conditions, and people I have found through Twitter Local (a good way to see what kind of things are happening locally). However, I am always amazed when someone I don’t know decides to follow me. But honestly, if I didn’t work from home – I probably wouldn’t use Twitter at all. Twitter is a water cooler chat for those who work from home.